We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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