Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
