I wish I could punch you in the face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
