Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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