So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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