respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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