I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
