i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
