If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
