can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
