We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
