I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
