So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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