you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
