You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
