Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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