Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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