Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
