his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
