I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
