You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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