a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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