handjob tips. give me some.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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