I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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