He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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