just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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