chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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