I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
