Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
