my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
