i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
