i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
