things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
