after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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