Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
