The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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