That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
