Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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