Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
