New invention idea: vibrating tampons
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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