my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
