apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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