And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
