Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's shark week go big or go home
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
