apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am mentally ready for anal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
