I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
