Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to sanitize my soul.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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