I seem to have left my pride at pride
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
