Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
