just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
