U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
