Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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