i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
